Monday, November 24, 2008
I am the most disorganized person I know. I'm a slob... I'm undisciplined. I am also a procrastinator who wants to give in to laziness. And at the same time while all of the above is true-- People like my art... Which causes a terrible conflict in and of itself... I'm horrible at keeping up with the web communications. Take this blog for example: Last dated entry; JULY. And then I also have a deviantart account which I also need to update.
Don't get me wrong--- I read everything on these things when people post, and check them on a regular basis--- It's just that I become overwhelmed with all of it and end up procrastinating it. I say tomyself, "I'll respond to that later.." And then forget about it.
On youtube, I have hundreds of unanswered messages that I just didn't get around to answering. It's not that I don't find these people important enough, but I think it is the other way around. On this end, I'm just a regular guy who has stumbled into something where people think I am more than I actually am. I have a pretty modest status as a regular person, and as an artist-- I really am nobody. Professionally, I make a good living as a "ghost" creative, being paid to illustrate and bring to life other people's ideas without ever getting any name recognition for it. But it doesn't bother me...
And I think that is my main problem. It's too easy. I'm a wimp. Instead of trying to make a name for myself, and attempting to BE somebody, I hide like a coward in the everyday anonymous routine of commercial art.
AS sort of a side thing, I found youtube a while back and noticed the "speed painting" thing artists were doing. I thought I'd try it out, for fun and to stimulate that artistic part of me that never gets free reign in my "day job" work... Well, here it is almost 2 years later, and that thing has really taken off. I'm a bit overwhelmed by it, because of the pouring in of respect and recognition I get from people, and the insane spike of hits my website gets because of it. But as a procrastinator, I'm afraid I'm constantly letting people down by not responding to them. The thought of that kills me... And I am sorry. If you are reading this, and you are one of those students who are in high school who write me with big hopes and dreams of becoming an artist tomorrow-- I apologize if I have not written back yet. Feel free to give me another nudge. I am working real hard to get my life in order as an artist.
Eventually I'll find that groove.. I'll find a routine. I have to. I'm getting close to 40, just had a third kid, and have a daughter with autism. I need to take this God given gift of art, and make it mean something. So it's time for me to come out of hiding... Time to stop being a coward, and move forward...
And to all who have stopped by to write me kind words of praise-- thank you. You over estimate me in your praise, but thanks. And to those who write questions, please be patient. I'll get to them... I promise.
(Oh, and the pic that I have with this message is just a side thing I did recently... An airbrush painting of my son. Check out my youtube channel to see a timelapse vid of it.)